I'm in love...

I am so proud to be part of AIESEC United Kingdom. I feel so damn lucky to be included in such an amazing group of people for the next year of my life. I feel like I've met my AIESEC soul mate, organizationally. :P

The conference was indescribable. The constant energy reflected from the MCs off the members and back again, becoming magnified and more motivational each time. The sessions were challenging for the delegates, and I was challenged by the thought processes I could see emerging from the minds of the students.

I've never recieved sweeter sugar cubes. I'm thrilled by the ownership that the LCs I'm coaching (Oxford, Cambridge and Bristol) are starting to feel over me and the connection we're developing. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling whenever I think about the amazing things we'll work on together this year.

The way the members (at least those that attended my sessions on branding, reputation management and communicating AIESEC externally) picked up on the need for active external relation-ing, especially in the media and communications areas, was inspiring. From watching them participate in the session and scribble things down in their conference diaries, you could see the possibilities multiplying in their heads.

Above all, the suspense of the next year keeps buzzing through my head... The implementation of our philosophy, focusing on members, exchange and action and summed up by our catchphrase, "Focus. Act. Shine." could take us anywhere. Coming out of this conference and seeing the sheer possiblity has put fire in our eyes and given us a strategic mindset... coupled with the idealism that we share as a group, the energy feels pretty damn near impossible to stop.

It all begins in six weeks.
I feel like it's already started.

Instead of going to quiz night at our favorite "bar," I opted for baking chocolate chip cookies and catching up on blogs and news that I didn't get to see this weekend and pondering the upcoming @UK conference in Birmingham.

Becca hit my recent feelings about our lovely expansion country on the head with this:

"The ideal will never be realized, but if you constantly pursue it, you're more likely to end up with something that's close enough to make you happy."
[Maha, that's for you to keep in mind!]

... although she was talking about how possible it is to really get to know another person on the many levels of personality, not about AIESEC at all. Her thoughts reminded me of the way I think about getting to know a culture that is not my own.

The weirdest story of the week was about Donald Trump's recent visit to Qatar. Here's what he had to say about our "spectacular" architectural projects.

I officially have three weeks before I should be transitioned out of my role. And I will be gone for the next five days to the UK to start my new role (in a way) by facilitating a transition conference for LC EBs.

The amount of things that are running through my head at a constant stream is frightening. And somehow I'm keeping it all together... I just have to keep reminding myself to take deep breaths every once in a while.

Facebook's Lexicon

Who else knows about this? I just found a blog post about it here:

"Facebook's new Lexicon feature (free Facebook membership required) graphs the popularity of terms used by Facebook members over time. For example, a search for the term "hangover" shows an unsurprising spike on January 1st. Looks like there is a recurring weekly hangover problem as well. And additional spikes for the days after St Patrick's Day and Halloween."

Supposedly, the data points result from collected information about how frequently a search term is posted in "public spaces" on facebook, like on peoples' walls.

This is the trend when I searched for my name (there's a peak around my birthday...!). Here's what happens when you search for "aiesec." I wonder what accounts for the spike in this one... it's almost exactly a month after IC in Turkey ended... hmm.

I tried to search for "bringing sexy back," but apparently the terms can only be one or two words, but you can compare terms in the same search if they're separated by a comma (this is an interesting pop culture trend). The graph also only goes back until September 2007.

untitled

A single bedside lamp illuminates the corner of my room. The rest is filled with the dusky blue haze of a lazy day turning to night.

The humidity is fresh and cut at times by a slow wafting breeze, like the world breathing in and out.

It was a lazy day with little productivity. But I don’t mind.

Strains of music drifting into my room remind me of dorm-living at home. Almost everything about this moment reminds me of home. It is not a desert humidity, but more like that which comes after the renewal of spring rain on the grass and concrete and water of the lakes.

I am itchy. My skin is moist and clammy, but in a pleasant way. If I breathe deeply and close my eyes, it’s like I never left.

A few moments before, I finished a beautiful book that lends magic to the moment.

The view from my balcony is peaceful. I see my reflection in the glass door and wonder about how much I have changed. For the first time, one more sad month does not seem like enough.

and the light shines on

I, too, know about being tired. But, really, why do college and the first few years of real life have to be "the only period where Peace and sweat and tears roll together and are fucking worth it?" Just because that's what many others have done before?

My perspective is that of someone who is still in the organization, although now on a different level than most. I also see my time ending - in fact, I have ended one lifetime and I'm about to end a second - which allows me the luxury of viewing each period with the perspective of someone that's "outside," if I work hard enough to keep the present from interfering with hindsight.

The organization was never (and is not) the summit of the mountain for me, or a sole outlet. Making a conscious effort to maintain constant circulation outside the organization while still involved in the organization, I think, helped me to understand that I still have more to give and to learn in this venue before moving on. I am still doing this here, now, every day, even in my last days in lifetime number two. (And even - perhaps especially - in this diverse environment, I am frequently reminded of why the world needs AIESEC...)

AIESEC is a step towards the place where the Change that I dream about is possible. What the organizaiton used to do in lifetime number one, and what is missing for me now, is the unity of those change agents, those Pioneers, and the reflection that those individuals facilitate. The internet has taken part of the role that our organization used to play, and in the absence of organizational culture and Pioneers on the ground, where else should we turn?

"AIESEC may not be the proper conduit for my energy, aspirations, and attempts at making this world more beautiful for my and your children." For me, it never was. I don't think there is or should be just one. For me, AIESEC was (is) one, maybe two, steps on the staircase of Change. Some staircases are longer, or shorter, or wider or more uneven than others [some individuals are happy on moving walkways]. The organization - but really, the Pioneers that are ahead, behind and even with me along the way - illuminate the next step so that I can walk on, unfaltering and with confidence.

There is more Change, although it will be different. There are more Pioneers, probably with new methods and new inspiration. Right now, my purpose is to make the light by which I have started my ascent brighter and unwavering so those around me can surge ahead.

I'm okay with not seeing the next step in my staircase just yet (although the outlines are beginning to emerge...), because I, too, will be able to see into the space that I have helped to illuminate.

i miss you

somehow, the closer i get to going home (one month and five days) the more i miss it. my mind is currently occupied by odd moments and places in time... moments that have become characteristics of madison for me. last night, i couldn't stop thinking about sipping a g&t at paul's club.

instead of taking about anything of substance, i've taken to describing those moments that i can't seem to get past to my friends here. the pressure of getting these thoughts out interrupted a chill silence yesterday and i told my photographer friend about the tree in paul's club, seemingly randomly. i think that sometimes these descriptions of places that flash into the space between my memory and my present mind tell my friends more about who i am than talking about things that matter. they may if my friends actually listen. because here, nobody wants to talk about things that matter. i'm afraid that i've forgotten how to have those conversations with others and it's just a continuing monologue in my head when i have the time to let my mind wander.

it's like i've been existing in a different dimension, on a different wavelength from everyone from my other life. [i can't get over the fact that sometimes when i do things here, i get the feeling that i'm doing them so i can pass the time more quickly].....

i'm becoming more and more reflective on my experience in qatar. my time here feels like a brief interlude in my life, like i'm putting in my dues so i can live the life i want to live later...(although that was exactly what i wanted to avoid when coming here... one way to compensate was to put effort into creating a life for myself here outside of work, which i think i did successfully, so why do i still feel like this?) ... i guess that implies, on some level, that pleasure and happiness can't exist without some difficulty and hard work. the balance between costs and fun and work and achievements is very apparent to me now, more than ever before. i have never really thought of myself as that person that puts work before play.

birthday weekend shenanigans

crazies

"The house is off-limits to children, and adults are asked to sign a waiver when they enter. The main concern is the concrete floor, which rises and falls like the surface of a vast, bumpy chocolate chip cookie."

My first reaction to this NYT article was that these people are crazy. This is a house they designed that is supposed to "oppose death" because "it's immoral that people have to die." Apparently, "[i]ts architecture makes people use their bodies in unexpected ways to maintain equilibrium, and that...will stimulate their immune systems." So the house looks like this:



"In addition to the floor, which threatens to send the un-sure-footed hurtling into the sunken kitchen at the center of the house, the design features walls painted, somewhat disorientingly, in about 40 colors; multiple levels meant to induce the sensation of being in two spaces at once; windows at varying heights; oddly angled light switches and outlets; and an open flow of traffic, unhindered by interior doors or their adjunct, privacy."

I think it's important to note that these people are artists, not scientists. BUT this is the part of the story that made me think that there's more to this couple than a bad case of the crazies:

"All of it is meant to keep the occupants on guard. Comfort, the thinking goes, is a precursor to death; the house is meant to lead its users into a perpetually “tentative” relationship with their surroundings, and thereby keep them young."

Equating comfort with death is a bit shocking, but they do have a point. Isn't this related to the origins of what we do as AIESECers and nomads? Obviously we don't take it to these extremes [or perhaps we take it further than this couple does, just in a different way]... I know that pushing past the concept of comfort is something I do habitually in my life. It sounds somewhat threatening, but the minute I'm comfortable and happy, I'm not growing at capacity anymore. Happiness is a symptom of comfort, so when I'm really content and happy (which are two different things, btw), I know I need to find something else to push that comfort away, in one or many aspects of my life. I cultivate small comforts with which I surround myself to offset the tentativeness I encourage in my life.

“Instead of being fearful of losing your balance, look forward to it.”

What an awesome way to go about life. Don't be afraid of the discomfort; plant seeds of uncertainty and spontenaity to allow for impulsiveness and opportunities for growth to be harvested at the right time.

The couple's work “makes people think through what they wouldn’t normally think through," an idea related to this one (especially syd's last comment on the post) that I've been thinking about a lot lately.

In other news, my birthday weekend is rockin' with the perfect amount of chill and an appropriate dash of missing my favorite non-Doha people. I feel so lucky to be where I am right now (in so many ways)... I couldn't ask for anything more.

running out of time

chilling out to amy winehouse, trying to get into the groove to write about the past month or so. i've needed to write for so long and it's finally starting to pour out little by little...

six little weeks. that's all i have left in this mini lifetime. it's weird to be able to see the time slamming shut. the deadline has incited something similar to an internal schizophrenic panic.

clearly, transition between being here and visualizing leaving this all behind has already happened. i haven't achieved nearly enough. and now i'm leaving in six weeks. questions are constantly running through my mind: what have i achieved? what can i achieve in six weeks that i haven't achieved yet? did i do enough for @Qatar? was i too focused on my personal growth and not focused enough on the work i was here to do? what tangible results have come from my work? and so begins a downward spiral of inadequacy. it is simply impossible for me to be as idealistic as i was when i first arrived and for me to believe that so much more can be done, as i used to... but i still feel like i underachieved, even though i remember the hundreds of unreturned phone calls i made to ministries and companies, the lack of action and follow-through of many of the members despite being given all the tools to succeed, the general inability to break through the frustrations that kept presenting themselves no matter how hard and long we worked. some things are simply not possible for AIESEC Qatar right now.

if my only achievement is personal growth, even if it wasn't intentional, is that selfish? something to ponder. but i really do believe that i've accomplished other things as well... i like to think that i've affected at least a few of the members, that i actually got through to some of them, or that i've facilitated experiences that some would have not otherwise even have seen as an option. but i guess only time will tell.

basically, i've resolved to make each day count for something from now until the end. yes, everything is a process and i'm not necessarily in control of a lot of things here, but the things that i can control will be completed, day by day.

this is all a learning experience. without being here for the past ten months, i am confident that i would not have been selected for the UK MC, something which feels so perfect right now. i'm looking forward to the next year of my life with enthusiasm i haven't experienced since i left Madison in my junior year to live in Washington.

plus, leaving in mid may means that i'll have three weeks at home instead of one and i'll still be able to be in London by July 14th for Georgie's bday and the annual review/anniversary celebration on the 20th.

tomorrow's post: team days in London and EuroXPRO in St. Petersburg.