one step at a time

I'm still working on appreciating what I have at each specific moment, but I'm getting closer every day.

I am content. Right, I've said that over and over, haven't I? Well, I'm so content that I'm approaching the grey area that is encircled by both the content and happy circles in the Venn diagram of emotions, so to speak (Moo/Mom, that reference was for you). And I think that's exactly where I want to be right now.

I have shied away from using the world "happy" to describe my feeling towards this place, this situation. But I will use it now... with a qualifier. I am not only content. I am somewhat happy.

Funny that this comes eighteen days before I leave to go home for Thanksgiving, to spend time with the people that I love and respect in a place that defines happiness for me (I've never thought of it like that... Madison defines happiness for me, but more than that, it's a place that ultimately defines me). But they're different versions of happiness. There's a lot more complacency and contentment with being content in the Qatar version. There's a lot more joy and laughter and love and tears and a much stronger feeling of an indestructable, magnetic bond in the Madison version. Which makes sense, to some degree.

But things are good. I'm feeling equally overwhelmed and centered. Projects and responsibilities are being stacked sky-high, but that's okay with me. There are issues to work through with others, but I already know that my life is incredibly boring without drama... although I prefer to reserve the drama for my personal life. I have painfully few minutes to do nothing, and in that precious time, I should be catching up with friends and family that keep messaging me... but I am taking time for myself instead. We joined a gym and I am working out, which helps me to refocus and not think about work for at least an hour every day. Speaking of work, I can see the members developing, day by day, meeting by meeting, which is so so so immensely gratifying.

I feel more solid, emotionally, professionally, intellectually, personally, physically. Things aren't quite coming together, but I think I've started to settle in to the random craziness of it all. I can't wait to touch down in Madtown and feel the person that I am now melt back in to my perfect world, at least for a few days.