on jumping in head first

Since my second week here, a feeling has been creeping up on me. Every day, I've started to feel more and more alive, more like myself, more passionate, more capable, more powerful. It hit me today: I love my life. I love that I'm in Qatar right now. I love that a month and a half ago, this wasn't in any of my plans I had ever made for myself and I love that when the opportunity presented itself, I said YES without thinking twice and just picked my life up from Madison and moved halfway across the world. Most of all, I'm appreciative that I have the support in my life that enabled me to do it; at the same time, I'm proud of myself for taking a risk on something that I would have dreamed of doing had I thought it was remotely possible...

(Side note: I'm going to Bahrain next weekend! AND I'm going to IC in Turkey from August 17 to 31 (insh'allah...i still need to get my tickets)! Three new countries in two months isn't bad...)

Before I left Madison, I was trying hard not to think of the things I was giving up and not to contemplate how difficult the experience was going to be for me. I was so scared, but I tried not to think about that, either. To be honest, I had no idea what to expect, so it was easier to be excited about going to some far-off exotic land than to piece together exactly what I would be doing and how it would feel.

I'm beginning to remember how I felt when I lived in DC for the first time, just over two years ago. I felt like the city, my job, my life there fit. It was clear to me that the opportunity came at the exact point in my life when I needed it. It was like two pieces of my life puzzle suddenly snapped into place. At that point, I had the right amount of challenges in the new context to push me to who I needed to become in that phase of my development.

Now, it's almost the same. In some ways, like professionally, I know that the challenges are too great for who I am right now and I have to work to catch up; in other ways, (connecting to others socially when I don't speak the language, for example) I have to push myself, but the obstacles are well within my circle of influence. It's an interesting dynamic... my person has never been this segmented in my mind... to know that some parts of me are fulfilling their potential and to see that the potential in other parts, even if it were being achieved, still isn't enough to get the job done.

But I'm so happy here right now. I'm comfortable, even when I'm in one of the many awkward situations I encounter every day... (and oh, there are so many!). I have good friends and we do fun things, and I've even stopped talking about AIESEC all the time. Everywhere I go is new and fresh. I'm still in awe of where I am. I think I've maybe started to embrace the culture shock.

I can feel the steep uphill slope leveling off. And even though I know there will be more mountains to climb, I'm happy that I'm reaching the first summit. :)