culture shock

Yesterday was rough for me. All the culture shock hit me at once. I was very emotional and confused and the prospect of developing @ in Qatar further seemed almost impossible to me. But I realized that it was a roadblock in my own mind and I had to get past it if I was going to ever function here. I love the members, I love the other MC members, I love my life here so far, but I was totally freaking out. And I gave myself permission to freak out. I think it's healthy, especially given the situation I'm in right now. I knew coming here was going to be hard, but I had no idea just how many things here are obstacles to the way I'm used to thinking.

It was so much easier at home...I never thought I'd be here, doing what I'm doing. Working hard - and I mean HARD - to understand how you fit into a structure that you're supposed to develop in a culture that you don't completely understand, when you're working with seventy real peoples' lives and dreams and time and commitments, when you want more than anything to reach your potential in every possible way for the next year of your life because it means that those people you're working with would be that much much closer to reaching theirs.... My personal commitment here is to the members, above anything else.

But today, Kristina, outgoing MCP of @Qatar, left for good for home. And that made everything I was feeling yesterday so much more real, because I know that I need to step up. It's my turn.

Ironically, today was governed by a different feeling. By a feeling of competency and preparation. I moved into Kristina's old room [the instant I put a red-and-white Badger football tassle on my mirror I felt a little better]. I unpacked my suitcases after ten days of living out of them. I did laundry. I went grocery shopping. I had a fantastic lunch with several of the members at a Qatari restaurant. I called my parents and my two best friends from my own Qatari cell phone.

The members know me a little better and I know myself a little better. After ten days, I am starting to find my niche. And although my niche will change as Layial and Lonneke arrive and as the old team leaves and although it will progress and regress throughout the next year, it feels so good to start having my own context for the next twelve months. It's even better to feel like myself again.